a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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