The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
