You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
