no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
