If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
