I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
