Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
