I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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