She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
