carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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