just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
