My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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