Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
