My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
