when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
