hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize