Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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