Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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