I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
