i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
