At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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