A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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