I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
