i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i drank out of a bidet.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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