have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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