Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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