i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
