you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
