She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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