i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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