a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
