She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
