First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
