awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
