My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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