Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I need a burrito and a hug.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
