I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
