you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
