Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
