i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
