i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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