Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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