I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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