Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
