I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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