you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
