i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
