Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
