You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
