I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
