Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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