I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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