i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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