you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
