my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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