i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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