Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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