OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize