sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
