I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
