Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
