She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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