I want to walk on stilts...naked
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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