remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
