I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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