Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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