You just made me feel so damn special
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
