she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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