my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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