i think i have two assholes
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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