i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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