I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
