Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
my liver is dry heaving
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
