how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
